Day 8: Learning to release

I have learned from 3 different Kathak teachers; there are pros and cons to that. Of recent, I was inadvertently taught to hold myself in, to restrict movements that might be considered "too Bollywood." This restrictive-ness inadvertently caused me to prevent the natural dancer in me from coming out...instead I was holding myself in, thinking I was doing it wrong if I let myself release...

 

(Speaking of "release," this old and large tree was "released" from the ground yesterday due to the flooding and excessively saturated soil)

Joanna Di explained to me yesterday, very tactfully, that I need to release...that "we aren't going anywhere," meaning, we aren't in a rush to learn Kathak. And I realised today that, that is true. She has been training with her guru since 21, and without releasing her age publicly, her experience in Kathak has spanned several decades now...I don't know what caused me to put this pressure on myself to learn as much as I could as quick as I could in just 1 month. I know I am a student for life...but, I guess a part of me knows I am a role model to some, and I feel I need to be at a certain level already, and I feel I should get their quick...and I also want to be able to lead practice with the beautiful little Kathak dancers from Sharara Dance Studio who I left behind in Edmonton who don't have a proper Kathak teacher right now...But, now I realise that their style of Kathak and methods of learning from their previous teacher are quite different (and that's neither good nor bad, it just is) than Joanna Di's. I find Joanna Di's classes really REALLY challenging, especially mentally (Kathak has very intricate and mathematical footwork). Sometimes, I leave class at night with a very foggy brain...and the fog doesn't go away actually. Perhaps the other stresses of life are causing additional fogginess, and that doesn't help... Anyway, I must accept that I cannot solve this Kathak problem myself right now...I need to breathe, and I need to learn for me, and no one else. I felt a bit more freedom today as I danced than yesterday, but I will continue working on releasing more. I know that when I dance for me, in lyrical Bollywood style, it shines, and people love that, and people often comment on my stage presence, hands, and angles/lines...I will release this "stuff" that has caused me to hold myself in for so long when dancing Kathak, and I will learn to let myself enjoy this beautiful art knowing it's for me; indirectly, I will then also have an impact on Sharara Studio pupils.

Thank you Joanna Di.